


All Of These Voices, But Only In My Head (everywhere else is silence)

by Saral_Hylor



Category: The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Dead Characters, M/M, Post Comics, Script style dialogue, Survivor Guilt, Talking To Dead People, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, author allergic to happy endings, dialogue only, not a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saral_Hylor/pseuds/Saral_Hylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're all gone. Roque, Clay, Aisha. Cougar. Only he and Pooch made it out, everyone else was left behind. But, if he closes his eyes for a moment, they're all there.<br/>They aren't real, Jensen knows that, but it's better than being alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Of These Voices, But Only In My Head (everywhere else is silence)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my angsty fic of Jensen angst. It's been a WIP for so long that I never thought I'd get it uploaded, even when I finished it, it just sat there and it wasn't until I shared it with quandong_crumble, and she prompted me to upload it, just as it is, that I decided to post it.
> 
> This is, by no means, a happy story. It's my "coping" fic, with how to the comics ended, my original coping fic. I did intend of adding more than just dialogue, initially, but there was just something about this lay out, and I just couldn't change it. It won't be to everyones liking, I know, but hopefully people will read it and comment. 
> 
> Thanks to quandong_crumble for the read through.

**Jensen:** You’re dead.

**Cougar:** …

**Jensen:** You were hugging a nuke. You set it off. You don’t come back from that.

**Cougar** : Lo siento.

**Jensen** : I’m dreaming, aren’t I? Or mad. Guess it doesn’t matter. You’re dead, and there isn’t any coming back from that.

**Cougar** : No, there isn’t.

**Jensen** : You should have waited. I was coming back. I had every intention to. The sheik wasn’t there, he set us up, but Pooch came back. We would have come back for you.

**Cougar** : It was too late.

**Jensen** : It didn’t have to be! You could have waited for me. I was coming back. Even if I couldn’t have saved you, we could have gone out together.

**Cougar** : No.

**Jensen** : Why not? I don’t want to live like this. We are still nothing. We lost. Losers til the end. We were supposed to win our lives back, and we lost. I’ve got nothing. Don’t even have you, man. I figured at least I’d have you, no matter how shit everything else turned out. We always had each other.

**Cougar** : Lo siento, parlanchin.

**Jensen** : Yeah, not as sorry as me.

 

~*~*~

 

**Jensen** : Why are you here? Where’d Cougar go?

**Roque** : You killed me.

**Jensen** : Technically the bomb disposal robot killed you.

**Roque** : You made it kill me.

**Jensen** : You deserved it.

**Roque** : Should have cut you back when I had the chance.

**Jensen** : Yeah, well, you snooze you lose.

 

~*~*~

 

**Jensen** : Colonel

**Clay** : Corporal

**Jensen** : Looking good there. Less crispy than when I last saw you.

**Clay** : Jensen…

**Jensen** : Sorry Clay, my madness, figure I might as well make the most of it.

**Clay** : You’re not crazy.

**Jensen** : Pfft, yeah, right, and you’re not dead. Good work on taking down Max one though. Too bad we didn’t win.

**Clay** : We didn’t lose either. We stopped Max, and saved the world.

**Jensen** : I lost too much to consider it a win, Colonel. Why are you even here? Thought I said I never wanted to see you again. It’s your fault he’s dead. You and your stupid crazy woman and your plans of revenge. We should have called it quits when Pooch did.

**Clay** : Then why didn’t you? I gave you the option.

**Jensen** : I thought we were doing to right thing.

 

~*~*~

 

**Jensen** : Are you even dead?

**Aisha** : What do you think?

**Jensen** : I don’t know, ‘tis why I asked. Hope you are, loco puta. You’re crazy terrorist boyfriend is the reason Coug is dead.

**Aisha** : Max is the reason people are dead.

**Jensen** : Nah, can’t palm it off that easily. Wish we’d never met you. Life was better before that. Even with all those kids’ lives on our conscience. Killing Max didn’t bring them back. It just lost us more.

 

~*~*~

 

**Cougar** : Jake?

**Jensen** : I miss you. It’s not right without you.

**Cougar** : You should get up.

**Jensen** : And face the reality that you’re dead? No thanks. It’s better here. It’s not really you, I know that. I’m not crazy enough to believe you’re real. But it’s better here inside my head. I can close my eyes and try to pretend this shit didn’t happen. Pretend that I didn’t leave you behind, bleeding all over a nuke.

**Cougar** : It’s not your fault.

**Jensen** : I survived. That’s bad enough.

**Cougar** : Wake up, Jensen.

**Jensen** : Just give me a moment. Just a little bit longer pretending that you’re really in the room glaring at me from under your hat. I can live without Clay. Roque still hurts a bit, but he screwed us over, man. I hope that Aisha is dead. But you, man, I just gotta pretend sometimes that things are okay. ‘Cause, you know, even dreaming about you dying every night, is better than waking up and realising that it’s reality.

 

~*~*~

 

**Pooch** : Hello?

**Jensen** : ....hey

**Pooch** : JayJay? It's two in the morning.

**Jensen** : Yeah, sorry. I shouldn't have called. Forget it, go back to sleep, hope I didn't wake the girls.

**Pooch** : Nah, just me.  What's up, man?

**Jensen** : ....

**Pooch** : Jay? I'm awake now, talk to me?

**Jensen** : ....Do you ever see them? Hear 'em?

**Pooch** : ...Jay...

**Jensen** : Coug and the others. You ever think you see them? I mean dreams, nightmares, that kinda shit.

**Pooch** : Not really, no. Still get bits, from Pripyat, but it's phantom pain mostly. But I wasn't there. I didn't see what you saw.

**Jensen:** It's all of them. Roque and Aisha too. Mostly Coug... I...

**Pooch:** You still there?

**Jensen:** Fuck, I just miss him. So much, Pooch, it's not funny.

**Pooch** : Were you and him... You know? Together?

**Jensen** : Not really. But we were gonna be, once it was all over. Stick together after we all split up. Used to talk about getting a house somewhere, the jobs we'd do after, you know, try and have a life. Figured he wanted that too. I think he did until Afghanistan. After that he just wanted the screaming to stop. I couldn't drown it out for him, I wasn't good enough, not what he needed anymore. And the bastard left me behind.

**Pooch** : Jake...  I'm sure he didn't really want to.

**Jensen** : I was going back for him, and he didn't even wait!

**Jensen** : I'm sorry. I'll let you go back to sleep.

**Pooch** : You sure? I'm still here if you wanna talk.

**Jensen** : I don't want to talk about it, him, anything anymore. Bye Pooch. Give my love to Jol and the girls.

**Pooch** : Come over on the weekend. Catch up. The girls miss you.  I miss you.

**Jensen** : Yeah, maybe.

 

~*~*~

 

**Cougar** : It's not true, you know.

**Jensen** : What isn't?

**Cougar** : You were always what I wanted.

**Jensen** : Not at the end. You chose a nuke over me. I was coming back.

**Cougar** : Glad you didn't.

**Jensen** : I’m not.

**Cougar** : I wanted you to live.

**Jensen** : That’s not your call to make! It’s not your life, it’s mine, and I don’t want it anymore, not without you here! Not like this, not anymore. There’s nothing left. Coug, there is nothing left, not with you gone.

**Cougar** : …

**Jensen** : I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be with you.

**Cougar** : I’m dead.

**Jensen** : Yeah, I know. That’s the general idea.

 

~*~*~

 

**Jensen** : This is the message bank of one Jake Jensen. Can’t be fucked answering the phone right now, too busy saving the world. Leave a message after the beep and I might get back to you.

**Pooch** : Jay? Answer the phone. This is the third time in as many days. You were supposed to come over on the weekend. Jay, I know you’re there. Just, give us a call back later on, okay man?

 

~*~*~

 

**Pooch** : Jensen, open up. You wouldn’t answer the phone, so I’ve driven four hours to see your sorry arse, least you can do is open the door.

**Pooch** : Jake? You in there man? C’mon, open the door.

**Pooch** : Goddammit Jensen, open the fucking door. I’m not joking around. If you’ve done something stupid I’m gonna come in there and kill you myself!

**Pooch** : I’m done with losing family, Jensen. I get that you’re hurting, and you don’t know what to do with it. I miss them too. I don’t wanna miss you too.

**Pooch** : Oh, thank god. You bastard, you had me worried.

**Jensen** : Sorry man, don’t worry, haven’t checked out yet.

**Pooch** : Pack a bag, you’re coming to stay with us. Being alone isn’t any good for you.

**Jensen** : That’s the problem, I’m not alone.

 

~*~*~

 

**Jensen** : You followed me. What am I talking about? Of course you did, you’re in my head.

**Cougar** : You should move on.

**Jensen** : It’s not that easy for all of us, Cougar. I know you’re not real, but there is nothing else left. Just you, in my head. And I know it’s crazy, but I don’t really want to lose that.

**Cougar** : Lo siento. I miss you too.

**Jensen** : I know. I’m getting out there, back into life. Just, stay with me. I don’t care if I’m crazy. It’s better than being without you. 

**Cougar** : Where you go, I go.


End file.
